So I haven’t been feeling great recently. It’s something that I’ve briefly mentioned in my weekly gratitude posts #FridayFive. I feel ready to open up about it a bit more and let you know about the changes that I’m implementing in my life to help.
A few weeks ago I went to my Doctor. It was time for my appointment and my name flashed up on the screen. I left the waiting room and sat across from him. I cried. The poor man, I just cried and couldn’t get my words out. He was brilliant. Gave me a tissue, told me to take deep breaths, got me a glass of water and still I cried.
It was a big deal for me to open up and admit that I am struggling. I had no idea how on edge and anxious I was until I couldn’t stop the tears. We agreed to increase my medication and that I would self-refer myself to the Wellbeing Service to look at what talking and CBT therapies they could offer.
Within a week I could feel a difference. It was easier to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t feel as grumpy, irritable or angry. I found it easier to be around other people. Increasing the medication had helped. I’ve been taking these tablets for five years and I don’t like that I am now on the highest dose. It feels like these may not be the best medication for me and that I might need to change them. This is super scary for me and would involve weaning myself off one type before slowly starting to take the new one.
I have self referred to the Wellbeing Service and have an appointment in the next few weeks. I have previously accessed a counsellor and group CBT sessions through this service. I’m now keen to explore how they can help me further.
I know that while I have been depressed I have neglected to look after myself. I’ve not been exercising, I’ve been reaching for the chocolate and have certainly put on weight. I have not been being kind to myself. Now I feel like I’ve lifted my head out of the dark place I had sunk to, I’m now keen to lift my body out of it too.
Today I walked 3.5 miles to work. It was a beautiful walk with blue skies and sunshine appearing at the end. I walked on pavements through houses, fields of smelly pigs and woods. This felt like a really positive way to start my day and my week. BY 11:30 I had already achieved my daily step target of 10,000 steps!
I had fruit, yogurt and granola for breakfast. For the first time in weeks I made myself a smoothie. Lunch today was pasta salad full of veggies, a new recipe from a new recipe book.
I was due to go back to a pilates class this evening. It has been months since I’ve been. Pilates is really good for my back, my whole body and my mind. But I’ve struggled to go, to get out of the house and to face people. Once I’d missed a few classes I didn’t feel confident to go back. So did I go back this evening? No, I had a pounding headache for most of the day, came home from and fell asleep on the sofa. Do I feel bad? No. I’m disappointed as I was looking forward to the class but at the same time I know that I did what my body needed to do, sleep!
I’ve bought a new cycle helmet and Josh has cleaned my bike up for me. I’m looking forward to getting out on my bike. Eventually I would like to be able to cycle to work but I definitely need to build my fitness up first!
I feel like I’ve made positive changes in my life for my mind and for my body recently. I plan to continue and to keep adding new things. What positive changes can you make?
Thankyou for reading,