A to Z Challenge | D is for Depression 31

Day 4 of the A to Z Challenge, my theme is mental health. It’s a slightly darker post from me today as D is for depression.



D is for… Depression

Depression is perhaps what most people think of when thinking about mental health. There are so many different types of depression and it affects people in so many different ways.

For me, depression is:

The big black cloud over my head. It’s the big black dog that follows me around. Depression is the little voice that constantly tells me I’m not good enough and that I’ll never be good enough. It is feeling numb and nothing makes sense. It’s feeling nothing or everything at once. It’s crying when someone says hello. It’s crying for absolutely no reason and not being able to stop.


It is being almost constantly in pain with headaches and achy shoulders. It’s being unable to sleep and relax. Or I sleep for hours and hours but still feel exhausted. It’s not having the energy and courage to get out of bed. It’s not showering, cleaning your teeth or eating properly because I’m not worth it. Depression made me scared to leave my house and face the world.

At its worse depression causes you to self harm and self destruct. It’s having thoughts that you would be better off dead. That your loved ones would be better off without you in their lives. My biggest piece of advice to you is to tell someone. Talk about how you’re feeling with friends, family or your doctor. Lots and lots of people have depression or some other mental health problems. Just remember you are not alone and this too shall pass.

Thankyou for reading,


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P.S. I’ve had to be very brave to write this post. I wrote it in third person at first – saying your and it’s. I’ve changed it to I, because that’s what it is. It is all I have felt when I’ve been in the midst of depression. It’s a more powerful post and I hope you get more from it.

Let me know what you think

31 thoughts on “A to Z Challenge | D is for Depression

  • Dipanwita Chakraborty

    It might have taken a great deal of gall to write this but you are brave. I can relate to you since I was in the same phase for quite a few years. And yes, this too shall pass. Take care Milly. Happy A-Zing. Cheers! 🙂

  • sanchthewriter

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s always hard to be vulnerable!

    When the black dog takes over, it’s horrible. I struggled with it for 18 months and ironically, I am a mental health professional myself. I guess knowing the treatment and the symptoms helped a bit in that my depression didn’t stop me from going to work and showering or looking after myself. For me though, it was the sadness everyday, it was withdrawing from everyone, losing interest in a lot of things, eating a whole lot more and exercising much less, crying often, feeling tired, unmotivated and hating my work. But each day, I’d put on a mask and leave the house. I’d smile and pretend. And then, when alone, I’d let it out. I went through therapy and made changes in my life and while I still think I’ve got some remnants of it, I’m hoping I’ve come through.

    • LaurenEph Post author

      I’m really pleased you connected with my post. Thankyou for reading and sharing your experience. I’m trying to be much more open about my feelings and mental health in the hope that it will help me and others. That’s why I started this mental health blog, feel free to explore my other mental health posts x

  • leannelc

    I’m not sure when depression will ever stop having a stigma attatched to it. I think a huge number of people deal with it (or have dealt with it previously in their lives). We need to know that it’s okay to talk about it, it’s okay to admit we’re not coping, it’s okay to see a therapist and/or take medication until we feel on top of things. Some people need medication all their life – well so do diabetics and nobody judges them for it!
    Leanne | cresting the hill

  • leannelc

    Depression is an insidious disease and so many people suffer from it (or have suffered from it) I think it’s vital to talk about it, accept other people talking about it, get help and take medication if you need to. It’s a dark journey and one we need all the help we can get to weather the storm and come out the other end. Good on you for being brave enough to blog about it.
    Leanne | cresting the hill

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Hi Leanne, blogging about my mental health so openly is a fairly new thing and I hope it will help me and others. Thankyou for checking out my blog 😀

  • beetleypete

    Well done for describing your feelings, Lauren. I have never had diagnosed depression, but with two divorces, and many other events I would rather forget, I have seen that black cloud myself many times over the years.
    Best wishes, Pete.

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Thankyou for your comment Sylvia, I’m glad you liked the post. Good luck with the rest of your challenge too 🙂

  • Cathy Kennedy

    Milly, it breaks my hear knowing people such as yourself who suffer/suffered with this illness. Please tell me with depression, do you ever know the feeling aren’t real and you are better than your emotions dictate? I ask this because I know someone who struggles with emotional highs and lows. All I know is to tell them they are far better than what’s going on inside the mind and if they are able to recognize the spiraling down process then maybe they can give themselves a pep talk out of the lows before they hit the bottom. Perhaps you can offer some suggestions on how I can help this person. I’d appreciate it! 😉 Thanks for dropping by for a look at the letter “D” (dogs) in my A2Z series, Art Sketching through the Alphabet! Happy a2zing, my friend!

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Hi Cathy, thanks for returning the favour and taking a look at my post 😀 I guess for me this too shall pass is saying the same thing as you and that I am more than this feeling. It’s so hard when the feelings are so overwhelming and all-consuming to see that you are more than them. Please do check out my other mental health posts (this is mostly a mental health blog so it’s not just for the A to Z challenge and perhaps see if there is anything there that could help your friend? Or feel free to ask me some more questions!

  • lorigg

    The big, black hole that never ends. Thank you for your description and your encouragement with this difficult topic. Far too many have first hand experience with this and more (including me).

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and experience, it is something I’m trying to be more open and honest about to help myself and others.

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Thanks for checking out my post and sharing your experience, I’m glad to hear you had help. Will check yours out in a minute 😀

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Yes that is very true, would have been much worse and much less understood in the last. And hopefully in time the stigma will lessen too.

  • Lu

    Well done this was a very brave post and thank you for sharing. Thank you for being so honest. As Winston Churchill called it his Black Dog so sometimes it envelopes even the most capable of people. Depression is a very common symptom of the world in which we live in. I have been there to some extent I think I am still there. I find myself clawing my way out only to slide all the way back down again. I am determined to make it though. Keep up the good work. xxx

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Thankyou Lu. And Thankyou for sharing your experience as well. I’m the same as you, quite up and down which is hard to deal with as well as the depression. We will both keep working at it, it’s important to remember that we’re not alone xx