A to Z Blogging Challenge | G is for Good Enough 13


Day 7 of my mental health themed A to Z Challenge is G for Good Enough.

There’s something deep down inside me that truly believes that I am not good enough. Good enough for what you might ask? Good enough for anything and everything would be the answer. I’ve always been a good Brownie and tried to do my best and maybe that has left me feeling like I never quite make it. There was also a particular incident that happened when I was a young teenager. Typical girls being girls and bitches being bitches but it’s a feeling and belief that seems to have stuck with me. And unfortunately there has been various things in my life since which just stacks up the evidence for this belief. The facts that counter this belief are never quite enough to challenge it long term.

I would always have described myself as someone with low self esteem but this feeling of not being good enough and the depression and panic that goes with it has got worse since I’ve got older. Strangely I can hold it together at work. I know that I’m good at my job, am an asset to my workplace and to the sector that I work in. This year I’m leading on projects, starting new initiatives and have put myself forward to speak at a conference.

A counsellor made me see that sometimes this belief of not being good enough has affected my friendships. I’ve pushed people away before I can get hurt. At the first sign of feeling not good enough or if someone makes me feel inadequate I get the hell out of there.

At times I have felt this way about this blog. In an ocean full of bloggers what the hell am I doing sticking my words in the water? The self doubt kicks in and I wonder if my words, photos and ideas are good enough? Who am I to write this stuff and send it out into the world? (And then I remind myself that no-one else can write my story and get over it – plus Milly is pretty special so this blog has that going for it!)

I only realised how strongly I had this not good enough belief last year. It was through a CBT group I went to. It described mental health problems as being rooted in a core belief which was like a bulb. CBT would cut back the shoots that came from this core belief. In this way it does not tackle the core belief directly but stops it creeping into your day to day life.

Instantly I knew what my core belief is. To tackle it I have been trying self care activities. By walking, colouring and crafting I have not been giving the core belief the space or light to grow. I think what I need to do now is learn to really and truly love myself to really tackle the core.

Thankyou for reading,

Lx

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13 thoughts on “A to Z Blogging Challenge | G is for Good Enough

  • beetleypete

    From as far back as I can recall, we are taught to judge our worth against the achievements of others. Whether we are as tall as another person, can run as fast, play games better, look nicer in certain clothes, or be as popular in school. How many times did my parents (perhaps innocently) say “Why don’t you play football like him?”, or “He did much better in the exams than you did, you should be like him.” It seems that the entire structure of society is based on looking up to others who do better, so is it any wonder that so many of grow up with a low self-esteem, and the feeling that they have failed in everything?
    It took me a long time to accept my own limitations, and to decide that it didn’t matter. I conclude that I am good enough, Lauren.
    And so are you, without doubt.
    Best wishes, Pete.

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Thankyou so very much Pete, that’s really kind of you to say. And thankyou for sharing your thoughts, it would need to be a big cultural shift to change the pattern.

  • Lu

    Yes there are an ocean of bloggers but why not join them? Your posts this week, especially this one have shown me that I’m not the only one that feels this way. You have done really well by sharing how you feel as it is not easy. Keep up the good work xx

  • C. J. Hartwell

    Wow, I can really relate to this, especially the part about blogging. It’s so hard to push past feelings of not being “good enough”, but until we do, we can’t accomplish anything!
    One thing I’ve come to realize about blogging — besides getting me writing again — is that it’s changed my thinking habits. Before I used to focus on past events, whether they were painful or sad, or I’d fret over something that might happen. But now my thoughts are more “what can I write about today?” And if I think of something from the past, it’s more, “Oh, that might work for the blog! How can I make it funny?”
    So even if my writing isn’t excellent, it’s better than it was (good enough!), and it’s good for my mental health. 🙂
    Love how you’re doing the challenge!

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and experiences. This felt like a really personal post to write. But at the same time it was easy, the words seemed to flow out and it made sense to write it. I’m really pleased that you’re enjoying my posts in the challenge, hopefully I can keep it up 😀

  • lorigg

    Comparison and not good enough are prevalent in society. I struggle to keep my ability in perspective. I only have to do my best and good enough is good enough. This is not the message that we often intentionally or unintentionally get and give. Please continue to add you voice to the community conversation through the blog. It is interesting and this weeks topics are also important.

    • LaurenEph Post author

      Thankyou for your comment, it really means so much to me to have your support and encouragement. If we all support each other then we can build each other up and know that we are all good enough 😊💛