Sometimes Self Care is… Letting someone else take care of you.
It can be hard. Depression and anxiety can make you push other people away. Sometimes being looked after makes you feel silly or lazy. But sometimes that’s what you need, it’s what I needed today.
So after telling you all yesterday about my great week and that I was feeling happy and healthy. Today I woke up feeling physically ill and then mentally ill. I’m not being rude or derogatory that’s how I felt. My brain wasn’t working properly. It was a fog. I couldn’t concentrate on planning meals for the week or writing a shopping list. And then suddenly I panicked. I couldn’t cope with the world. I was sat outside in the sunshine writing a shopping list with my partner. Milly was laying under the table. I was supposed to be chilling, planning what exciting food we would be eating this week and I panicked. I couldn’t cope with it. Couldn’t cope with thinking, with making decisions or even sitting. I was trying to power through. Trying to be a human, be a person. Sometimes I do this thing where I talk in a funny voice, I go hyper and over excited. I think I’m being happy where really I’m just overcompensating for being sad. I went upstairs, laid down on the bed, stuck some headphones in my ears and tried to block everything out. My partner and Milly joined me, bringing me a drink and cuddles. I concentrated on nothing but the music in my ears, holding onto my partner’s arm and stroking Milly.
Today my self care has been to let me partner look after me. He has let me sleep, encouraged me to chill under a blanket, watch a sewing programme, take a little walk and he’s now cooking me dinner. Today he has looked after me and that is exactly what me and my mental health needed.