Day 24 of my mental health themed A to Z Challenge is X for X Files.
I’m not exactly a huge fan of the X Files. Josh, on the other hand, is. I bought him the boxset for his birthday a couple of years ago and he’s tried to get me interested in them. I’ve watched a few with him but not fallen in love with them!
X marks the spot
X has been the hardest post in this challenge to write. I’ve really struggled with finding a word to fit my mental health theme. I’ve thought about X marks the spot for the time I realised that I had depression or the spot I feel safest or most at peace. I nearly wrote this post to be called X for excited. I was going to talk about mania. When I’m down I sometimes try to cover it up or gee myself up by getting a bit over-excited or hyper. But then I thought perhaps that’s cheating as it begins with an e!
Then Josh suggested X for the X Files and the unexplained. This seemed like a perfect fit. Much of mental health is unexplained. It is not an easy thing to rationalise, justify or reason. That doesn’t stop you trying to find out why in the hope that you can then find a way for it to stop.
It’s hard to explain where my low mood, low self esteem and anxiety started from. It’s hard to explain why last Sunday I felt so low. It’s hard to explain why sometimes I want to hurt myself to make the pain stop. It’s hard to explain all the emotions in my heart and all the thoughts in my head.
If there was a reason for these feelings it would be easier to talk about. Perhaps there would be less of a stigma. It’s easier to talk about sadness, anger and worry when there is something causing these feelings. We’re slowly starting to realise that mental health problems are something that can happen to everyone and anyone. Just because it is unexplained, doesn’t mean it can’t be shared, improved and one day resolved.
Thankyou for reading,
P.S. Anyone else going to rename their doctor, counsellor, happy pills and self care activities Mulder and Scully?!