So after my post on Sunday to telling you all about the fog that had clouded my head (but also what a wonderful partner I had!) I thought I’d write you a little update and let you know how l am.
Monday and Tuesday I got out of bed and went to work and powered through. But that meant that by the time I got home from work I was exhausted. I had a nice little nap on Tuesday, woke up to a freshly cooked dinner (told you he was wonderful!)
Wednesday I really didn’t want to get out of bed. I felt really low. I had to have a gentle reminder that I hadn’t showered in a few days… But I did get up, I showered and headed to my counselling appointment. This is quite a new thing for me and only my second time of seeing this counsellor. To be honest, feeling nervous about the appointment could have been part of what was stressing me out.
My counsellor suggested that I had maybe done too much before. I had felt really positive but maybe a week full time at work (after having a week off work) two Pilates class, a Zumba class, a gig and then family time had been too much for me. I had done too much and I needed to crash. I’ve been thinking about this and maybe she’s right. But is it too much? Doing those things are important to me. I want to have a good work life balance. I want to exercise. I really like my Pilates and Zumba class. Both are really fun. Pilates is good for my back (which incidentally has started hurting again which is not helping my mood and does it hurt because I did too much last week?) I get to see my friend at Zumba and I have a real laugh with my Pilates instructor.
Then I start to wonder do I really have depression or am I just lazy? Why can’t I cope with life? Most people can just get on with things? Am I only going to be able to cope with a part time job?
Now, the fog has begun to lift. I’m starting to feel a bit brighter. I’ll probably never know what triggered this low point but I do think that talking to the counsellor helped. I also think being honest with myself and with others about what has been going on and how I’ve been feeling has helped this black cloud not linger for too long.